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Krakin
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| Statistics | | Normal | Inebriated |
| Pretentiousness |    | 0 | - |
| Anarchicness | | 90 | 120 |
| Swilling Capacity | | 50 | 95 |
| Intelligence | | 150 | - |
| Assiduousness | | 5 | - |
| Lechery | | 95 | 1000 |
| Bacon Points | | 100 | - |
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| Height: | 5' 10" |
| Weight: | 165 |
| Favorite Food: | Beer |
| Favorite Implement of Destruction: | My Vomit, Aggressive Propositioning |
| Quote: | "Should you feel at all threatened, the exits are located here and here." |
| Nickname: | Squid, Stamphead, Krack-whore, Rico Suave |
| Bio: | |
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